Phil Gilliam, Published Author, Certified Coach

"Cheatin', Beatin', Drinkin'--and Fleeting" is not the title of the latest Country Singles hit-but the words that best describe the relationships Phil Gilliam was exposed to growing up in the early seventies.

Born to an unwed 14-year-old mother, Gilliam watched 3 different marriages of his mother's dissolve and a string of other relationships wither before his impressionable eyes and mind. Not the best upbringing for his future career as a relationship coach for men, or was it??

"I witnessed everything that didn't work in a relationship up close and personal," recalls Gilliam. "My mother had her fingers broken by one of the men and I physically fought him off, though he was 3x my size. It was not what a boy wants to see his mom experience or be in the middle of himself."

As a child, moving each time his mother's relationships and source of income would disappear, Gilliam longed for stability (both financial and emotional) and a stable father figure in his life. His grandmother, who would often look after Phil when his mother was at work, owned a bar where young Phil would go after school. There his grandmother would watch him--but what was Gilliam watching??

"I was 9 or 10 and I was hanging around with a bunch of drunks. These were the male role models that I was learning from," remembers Gilliam.
As a young teen, Gilliam says he was "going downhill fast" experimenting with sex, drugs, running away from home, and working in a nightclub; looking for love and success in all the wrong places.

When Gilliam was in his early twenties, the girl he was dating became pregnant and she decided to have the child. Though neither Gilliam nor his girlfriend felt the relationship was suited for marriage, Phil committed to being a hands-on, involved dad. "From the moment she said she was going to have the baby, I knew I was going to provide for him and be there as a stable father figure. I wanted to give him what I didn't have growing up. I didn't want him to suffer the way I had," says Gilliam.

At age 23, Gilliam became the proud single dad of a son, Matthew.

Though Gilliam had found new purpose and was fulfilling his role as an involved dad, his relationships with women were what he called the equivalent of "a turnstile" at that point in his life. One reason, he admits, was because he simply didn't know how to properly approach, converse with, or care for the opposite sex.

He knew he could do better by the women he was interested in and hoped to, like all men, find that one special woman he could spend his life with.
"It would never happen with the lack of skills or knowledge I had back then, so I began reading every relationship book I could get my hands on. I wanted to change and learn what women needed so I could have a successful relationship" recalls Gilliam. As Phil began to get on the right track with being better mate material, his son Matthew became seriously ill.

When Matthew was 1 ½ years old his kidneys failed due to an allergic reaction to a prescribed antibiotic. Matthew ended up on dialysis, which he still undergoes today at age 15. At age 3 1/2 he had a kidney transplant. At age 6, Matthew was diagnosed with lymphoma after doctors found a grapefruit-sized mass in his stomach. For a full two years Matthew was in and out of the hospital until he was in remission from cancer. Gilliam barely thought about a date or women at all. "Plus, I shaved my head as a show of solidarity with my son, so I wasn't very attractive," says Gilliam, laughing.

Matthew's cancer and remission was a wakeup call to Gilliam, now in his early 30s, to follow his passion because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

While working in the corporate finance industry managing large sales teams, Gilliam began seeking training to be a relationship coach. Studying directly under coaches like Al Killeen, Founder and President of Killeen Development Technologies Personal Mastery Programs, led Gilliam to other trainings including rigorous study programs for one-on-one emotional wellness coaching, designed by Hale Dwoskin and the Sedona Training Associates; Certifying as a coach with Coaching Training Alliance; Peak Potentials Courses and Seminar Trainings; Livingston Coaching Training; and Intensive trainings for Clinicians with renowned Couples' Relationship Expert John Gottman, Ph. D. of The Gottman Institute (Researching & Restoring Relationships).

In 2002, Gilliam began making plans to start his own relationship & dating coaching business that would target who he thought needed it most: men like himself who were simply never taught what to say or do with the female gender...in other words, the average guy.

In 2007, Gilliam founded AverageGuy.com, a relationship coaching site for single and married men (who want to still date their wives and keep romance alive), and sold his first book, "Bringing The Better Deal: A Life-Changing Men's Guide to Approaching, Getting, and Most Importantly Keeping The Women They Desire" to Tate Publishing. "The Better Deal" is available in bookstores now.

Phil Gilliam's personal life goal is to positively change the lives of one million men.